The Guy's Rules
The Guy's Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
posted by Hawkman @ 8:22 PM
13 comments
links to this post
13 Comments:
I "camped" this weekend!
to funny but there is some truth in those words and besides sometimes camping is not so bad just not everyday, Thanks Tom I needed a smile today
No, No, No.
You've got it all wrong.
The Word according to Homer (Simpson)
Saysd thta the only three rules you neeed to know about women are these:
1) When she says nothing is wrong, everthing is wrong.
2) When she says everything is wrong, EVERYTHING is wrong.
3) If she says it's not funny, you'd BETTER NOT laugh.
I'll probably regret this but...
The Guy's Rules--ammended
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
-don't worry...we'd never accuse you of that
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
-leave the seat wherever you like...just work on your aim
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
-shopping is not necesarily a sport...but sales are
1. Crying is blackmail.
-crying is a response not a tactic
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
-what about large signs...billboards???
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
-sure, but if you use them in place of a simple explanation, take a seat, you'll be there a while
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
-yes, but basic empathy goes a long way
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
-agreed...now go.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
-agreed
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
-if we walk the walk, will you talk the talk??
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .
-you should probably just stick with yes or no
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
-When we do...how about a little eye contact instead of the vacant nod?
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
-yes and he didnt get where he was actually trying to go either
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
-odd...you spelled it right
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.
-fine...just do it in the bathroom
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
-don't worry...one way or another you will find out. Me...I'd just suck it up and ask again
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
-let me break it down for ya...the answer to any such question is a compliment
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.
-but you should probably consult us
1. You have enough clothes.
-yes, but they are all in different sizes
1. You have too many shoes.
-you have too many tools
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
-yes, it is the shape of the small balls of fat in your arteries
1. Thank you for reading this.
-the pleasure was all mine
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
-fantastic...then you won't mind throwing some hotdogs on the fire either, cuz the kitchen is closed
WowGirl, all I can say is, "That's funny right thar, I don't care who ya are!"
Thanks for backin up the girls WOW, that was b-e-a-utiful!!!
We need to interpret the girl rules
HAAAAHHHAAAAHHAAA...HHHAAAA...HA..HAHAHAHAHAH...A!!!!!
Wow....that was funny. Nice job!!!
WOW YES you are AWESOME!!!
High Five Wow!
One time my husband asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I said nothing really so he did not get me anything... Not even a card. I was mad for a month. All he kept saying was "but you said nothing". That was 15 years ago.
I did that to my husband once too.
Apparently no one ever means "nothing" even when they say so.
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home